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The 100 Unsexiest Men of the Year 2008

[100] TOM BRADY
SUPER BOWL-CUT

Oh, how quickly we turn on our heroes! Once a loveable Everyman, he's now an overexposed, supermodel-dating, out-of-wedlock-fathering, big-game-losing metrosexual — with a bowl haircut.

 

[99] JERRY YANG
YAHOO COLLABORATOR

Yahoo's Chinese-American founder allowed his company to give up the IP address of a Chinese Yahoo subscriber who'd criticized the Chinese government, resulting in that guy's arrest, torture, and imprisonment. May your wang get run over by a Communist tank.

[98] FAT EMINEM
ROTUND RAPPER

It's entirely possible that the rumors of Mr. Mathers's weight problem have been taken — pardon the pun — out of proportion. But
if packing on a few pounds is keeping him out of the spotlight, then we can't really say we mind all that much.

 

[97] QUAGMIRE
UNFUNNY CARTOON

Note to Family Guy creator Seth MacFarlane: nothing screams hilarity like jokes about date rape!

[96] TONY KORNHEISER
ESPN NUISANCE

ESPN homunculus looks like a cocktail frank wetted and then dipped in an ice-cream-topping jar of pubes. And about the shouting: tone it down, little man. Please.

[95] DREW CAREY
GROSS HOST

Since being demoted from unfunny sitcoms to warmed-over game shows, Drew Carey has been a walking advertisement for misery.

[94] MIKE HUCKABEE
LITTLE ROCK LARDASS

Dead ringer for the dumber half of Wallace and Gromit. The Arkansasan creationist tried to get himself elected to the presidency with the help of Chuck Norris (see number 39) and a firm belief that homosexuality is on the same deviance rung as bestiality.

 

[93] NICOLAS SARKOZY
MODEL EXECUTIVE

The French have far more enlightened attitudes toward the sex lives of their chief executives, so you won't find anyone trying to impeach Sarkozy for shacking up with a much, much younger woman. But even the French have been, in their own French way, grossed out by Sarkozy's creepy flaunting of his relationship with model/chanteuse Carla Bruni. Remember the yeuccch you felt the first time you saw Billy Bob Thornton make out with Angelina Jolie? Now multiply by 50 (especially considering the value of the Euro over the damn dollar).

 

[92] ADNAN GHALIB
EX-BRITNEY BEAU

One of the saddest small details of Britney Spears's recent downward spiral was her being spotted dating the very bottom-feeding parasites who've turned her life into a horror show of never-ending surveillance. In this celebrity version of Stockholm syndrome, Adnan was puppetmaster general.

[91] JIM CRAMER
MAD MONEY MOUTH

Few things are as cringe-worthy as the contrived schtick of a decidedly sane man trying to channel the innate interestingness of the eccentric by SCREAMING everything as if he were Peter Finch in Network. We wouldn't touch this veiny-templed Carrot Top of investment banking if you offered us Bill Gates money. Boo-yah!

 
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