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  • 80. Chris Martin

    For years, we assumed that Chris Martin was merely bland, a man doomed to have a dumb singing voice and to have children named Apple and Moses. But then we got to thinking: who marries Gwyneth Paltrow? Who would voluntarily subject himself to living with the most self-satisfied, least self-aware person on the planet? Could he be a smug asshole, too? Then we read the lyrics to "Hurts Like Heaven," the first track off Coldplay's dystopian-romance concept album, Mylo Xyloto: "It's true / when you use / your heart as a weapon / it hurts like heaven." Case closed.
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  • 79. Frank Miller

    You know that super-powered comic villains don't exist, right? Apparently Frank Miller, the famed, and once-beloved comics auteur has been reading too many of his funny books. The churlish old libertarian dick has taken a turn toward the blatantly racist in his new Islamophobic graphic novel, Holy Terror, in which a Batmanesque character defends the world from the marauding Islamic horde. But the icing on the crank cake came with his rant against the "louts, thieves, and rapists" of the Occupy movement, writing, "Wake up, pond scum. America is at war against a ruthless enemy." A true hero for our times.
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  • 78. Alex Torres

    Sex is thrilling. Jumping out of an airplane is thrilling. Put the two together and you get...well, one of the more surprisingly un-sexy stunts of the year. That's what happened when porn star and part time skydiving instructor Alex Torres and his comely young assistant Hope Howell filmed themselves generating a little in-flight turbulence of their own, giving an entirely new meaning to Superman-ing that hoe. And you thought the mile high club was unsexy enough in an airplane shitter.
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  • 77. Manny Ramirez

    It's too bad Manny's Sox days ended when they did — something tells us the bloated former baller would have loved last season's orgy of Xbox, chicken and beer. But sadly Ramirez became just another MLB retiree riddled with anger management issues, and "Manny being Manny" has come to mean (allegedly) hitting the wifey more often than a baseball. No wonder Terry Francona told Peter Gammons that Ramirez was "the worst human being I've ever met."
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  • 76. Phillip Hinkle

    Among the ranks of frothing homophobes who get outed as closet cases — and that's a big pool — the allegations against Indiana State Representative Phillip Hinkle stand out. If you're going to troll for teenage ass on Craigslist, there's a right way and a wrong way to go about it. Do not, under any circumstances, try to impress the young man by showing him your government ID. And when that proves to be a boner-killer for him, don't try to barricade him in the hotel room with you, and don't offer him a bribe when his sister shows up to rescue him.
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  • 75. Donald Trump

    Donald Trump says that he's worth $7 billion. Forbes magazine, on the other hand, puts that number at closer to $3 billion. The difference, Trump says, is that the respected business publication neglects to acknowledge the roughly $4 billion that his brand is worth, in and of itself. Perhaps in calculating the value of his name and image, El Donaldo is forgetting to factor in his pathetic run as the standout laughingstock among the least competent group of Republican presidential candidates in American history.
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  • 74. Dr. Drew Pinsky

    So let’s say you're a semi-famous drug addict, right, and you're shooting Sweet Lady H into your eyeballs and walking through plate glass windows and getting lots of sex from scuzzy people. And then your agent's like, “Your career's over,” but then someone from Celebrity Rehab calls you. And so you go, and not only are the other people there completely lame, but you keep getting talked down to by some douchebag doctor named Drew Pinsky, who sounds like Mr. Rogers crossed with Ben Stein, and then you get out and do more drugs.
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  • 73. Steven Greenstreet

    For someone whose documentaries have taken on important social issues such as obesity and Prop 8, Steven Greenstreet sure is a misogynist. And a creepy-looking one at that. About a month ago, he started a tumblr account photo-documenting the "Hot Chicks of Occupy Wall Street". Really doing your part by reducing women with strong socio-political contentions into objects, for the one percent who can't find real porn on the Internet to jerk off to. In case you think that we're taking this too seriously and the site is all in good fun to get the Occupy message out, consider Greenstreet's own defense of the site: "An erection legitimizes anything." Cool story, bro.
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  • 72. Bill O'Reilly

    Bill O'Reilly is such a hideous asshole that we had to break a longstanding rule of not putting Phoenix alumni on this list just to anoint him (yes, he interviewed porn directors for us in the 1970s — no joke). The only person on the planet less funny than conservative Dennis Miller, O'Reilly is currently using his platform to claim that "corporate greedheads" are not responsible for our shit economy. We'd educate him, but Bill's arch-nemesis Joy Behar does a good enough job of bruising the dude on a daily basis.
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  • 71. Gerard Depardieu

    The best part about this story is that France's cinematic prodigal son and gentleman extraordinaire eventually apologized for the notorious "Je veux pisser" incident in August. Lots of bad shit happens on planes. Like snakes, for instance — though we don't think the stewardess was expecting that kind of snake. But let's be fair. With a flair for the dramatic this deeply ingrained, at least the man is in the right profession.
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