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  • 40. Bruce Jenner

    Poor Bruce Jenner. In 1976, he single-handedly wrested the decathlon gold medal from those godless Soviets in the Olympics. He was even on a Wheaties box. But then he headed into a 20-year-long midlife crisis. He underwent a botched face lift; he spawned Brody Jenner of The Hills in his second marriage. And then, worst of all, he married Kris Kardashian in 1991. Seeing just how emasculated he has become every week on TV is truly heart-wrenching. Somebody save him — or at least give him a hug.
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  • 39. Scott Brown

    It’s bad enough that we’ve seen way more than we wanted to of Senate hack Scott Brown's pickup truck. But when Elizabeth Warren made a joke at his expense, pointing out that unlike her opponent she never stooped to soft-core, he fired back: “Thank God!” Not classy. Meanwhile, we’re still waking up screaming from the indelible image of Brown’s ’70s-style chest-carpet.
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  • 38. Jerry Sandusky

    Ugh. Just . . . ugh.
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  • 37. Michael Lohan

    Lohan — sweaty, unstable, born-again — is in handcuffs even more than his freckled, used-up daughter. Yes, Daddy Dearest knows how to bring the drama. This year he was accused multiple times of domestic abuse, checked in and out of the hospital because his heart's about to blow, and jumped off a third-story balcony (to which we say: please try again). But you know what's even unsexier? He clips his cell phone to the belt of his dad jeans. Yuck.
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  • 36. Vybz Kartel

    Unless you're heavy into oversexed and deliciously criminal contemporary reggae, then you've probably never heard of Vybz Kartel. That's the thing about this dancehall sensation whose island smash, "Coloring Book," encourages young fans to get face tattoos: most Americans are in the dark about him until their pre-teen son, daughter, niece, or nephew comes home with a vagina-shaped pot leaf inked on their lips and cheekbones.
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  • 35. Steven Tyler

    Let's be thankful for small victories: Tyler's tenure on American Idol could've been much worse. You put a scat-talking sexagenarian with a history of substance abuse and hep-c on a show with starry-eyed, dubiously-talented teenagers, and you feel lucky to get away with just a handful of cringe-worthy moments — like the one where he complimented a 16-year-old on showing just the right amount of leg. Ewww. Let's hope Tyler can keep his scobble-dee-bop to himself next year.
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  • 34. Malcolm Gladwell

    As if his pseudo-profound, fake-counterintuitive sociological arguments weren't irritating enough, Malcolm Gladwell's hair is so fucking affected. He's all, "I put my finger into a light socket powered by my own intelligence, but I was too busy finishing this New Yorker article to notice what it did to my hair!" Even worse than the ’fro is Gladwell's recent stint as Bank of America shill. In the midst of Occupy protests and a mass BoA defection, Gladwell visited four cities to speak to small-business owners on behalf of the evil corporation, marking the tipping point of his reputation.
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  • 33. Russell Brand

    Not even a mother could love this face. Seriously. Brand actually looks better when dressed like Bin Laden. Watching him hump the stage in Forgetting Sarah Marshall is about as titillating as getting farted on during sex. Anyone who looks the same dirty as they do clean should not be married to Katy Perry.
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  • 32. Chris Brown

    Biggest WTF television moment of 2011? Quite possibly Chris Brown receiving a standing ovation for his performance at the MTV Video Music Awards, blatantly lip-synching and flying around the stage to Wu-Tang's "Protect Ya Neck" like some spousal-abusing Peter Pan. How quickly we forget. And that's without even mentioning his chair-throwing fit on the set of Good Morning America. Someone needs to slap some sense into this buffoon — yo, Ghostface, we're looking in your direction.
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  • 31. Arnold Schwarzenegger

    What is best in life? If you're former California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, it's to sire a child with your housekeeper, see your wife humiliated on the public stage, and hear the lamentations of the many women you allegedly groped while on the job. After closing out his last ethics-violation-ridden term, the Governator commissioned several statues in his own likeness, forged from the distilled essence of pure hubris.
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