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  • 20. Triple H

    The night before his WWE contract expired, CM Punk snatched the WWE championship from the loathed John Cena, and wrestling was edgy and cool again . . . for about a week. Then Triple H — Vince McMahon's son-in-law and inexplicable "star" from 2003 — hogged the Monday Night Raw cameras for the entire summer. The fuck?
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  • 19. Dominique Strauss-Kahn

    It's not that we don't believe that this French philanderer is capable of sexual assault. Oh, we believe it. But rapiness aside, we can't help but feel that this whole rape-allegation thing is stealing the limelight from his other unsexy offense: his large contribution to the world economic crisis as former Evil Overlord of the IMF. So even if he didn't actually grope that hotel worker, he still made sure that she, and the rest of the 99 percent, got screwed.
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  • 18. John Galliano

    Not for nothing, but you'd think that the (former) chief designer for the House of Dior would know that racism is never in style. You'd think wrong. Listen, brah, there's nothing more unsexy than calling a woman a "dirty Jew-face" and asserting that you have a serious jones for old Adolf. And by unsexy, we mean totally vile and reprehensible. The long-rumored anti-Semite cleared up all the confusion when he was caught on camera drunkenly spewing racial slurs at a Jewish woman at a Paris bar last winter. Luckily, Dior dropped his racist ass, 'cause Neo-Nazism is so last season.
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  • 17. Lt. John Pike

    It takes a mighty, heroic, brave sentry of justice to blast pepper spray at point blank across a row of non-aggressive college kids. Combine Pike's deplorable action, Oakland piggies braining an Occupier with a tear-gas canister, and that bygone business with Rodney King, and it makes you wonder — what the fuck is wrong with California cops?
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  • 16. Daniel Tosh

    The FCC is this grower's best friend. (We hope for his girlfriend's sake he's a grower.) Clearly Mama never broke him of the running-around-naked habit, and now he has no beef taking his clothes off on TV, despite lack of visible meat. She probably makes him wear those ridiculous cardigans — but they make his wrists even look too small to satisfy a woman. We're just glad his actual junk gets blurred out — though it's an awfully small blur. Add Tosh porn to list of things we do not need in a video breakdown.
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  • 15. Neil Gaiman

    Neil, Neil, Neil. There was a time when we thought you were hot, with your vaguely Semitic good looks, your all-black attire, your poofy hair. Of course, that was in the 1990s, when people also though Lobo was cutting-edge parody. But then you met Amanda Palmer, and your voyage into unsexiness truly began. We know you've always longed for a punk rock chick with torn stockings and unshaven pits to call your own, but your mutual obsession has really started to grate. It's creepy. Okay? You're no longer individuals, you're Gaimanda. And, frankly, we don't appreciate her stripping down so you could sketch her at the MFA, either. Now we have to wash that whole gallery.
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  • 14. Dr. Oz

    If there's one quack who has grandma crapping her pants more than the conservative threat to chop Medicare, it's Oprah's go-to tanned alarmist. Fresh off a successful campaign to raise awareness about unsubstantiated quantities of arsenic in apple juice, this George Stephanopoulos stunt double recently looked good and hard at the role of prayer in healing, presumably in an attempt to save his fast-hemorrhaging career.
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  • 13. Ricky Gervais

    Yeah, yeah, he invented The Office and Extras, but something about Ricky Gervais makes us squirm and say ick — makes us squick, if you will. Maybe it's his doughy physique, his flop-sweat, or his preternaturally long lashes. Maybe it's his repellant lizard gaze. Maybe it's his attempt to do what Leprechaun: Back 2 tha Hood could not do and resurrect the career of Warwick Davis. We can't quite put our finger on it, but something about him just grosses us out.
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  • 12. LMFAO

    If you're one of those people who gets trashed and suddenly thinks it's fine to admit that you kind of dig LMFAO, then you're also one of those people who should be gutted with a rusty spoon. We still love pseudo-MC SkyBlue for his smackdown of Mitt Romney on a commercial flight two years ago. But at this juncture the duo's call for party rocking has become more meaningless than will.i.am's prediction that tonight will be a good night.
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  • 11. Mark Zuckerberg

    Quit changing the Facebook homepage layout, you raging dweeb, it was fine the way it was. Now that we got that out of our system, let's get to the real issue at hand. This twerp is making billions selling off our private info to advertisers, and there isn't a damn thing we can do about it. (Well, we could cancel our accounts. But then how would we keep tabs on how much weight our eighth-grade boyfriend's wife is gaining?) Reportedly, Zuckerberg once called Facebook users "dumb fucks," which is a real nice way to talk about the people who provide the singular reason that you get laid, ever.
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